Mental Health
How Quitting Smoking is Helping My Mental Health
I’m finally keeping a promise I made to myself.
I’ve been smoking on and off since I was fifteen. I started after a traumatic event and never stopped. Over the past decade, I have smoked over half a pack daily. And now I have to quit.
I always told myself when I stopped wanting to die, I would quit smoking. That’s easier said than done, especially since cigarettes are highly addictive. But last week I got some bad news from my doctor. High cholesterol, high triglycerides, and I’m pre-diabetic. I have to make some very serious changes to the way I live my life.
One of those changes is smoking. Smoking causes high cholesterol and high triglycerides. Between eating too much, not exercising enough, and smoking, it’s a wonder my test results weren’t worse.
The day I received all this awful news, I had four cigarettes left in a pack, and two unopened packs in the garage. I decided to cut back to four cigarettes a day until the third pack. When I get to that pack, I will cut down to three a day, then two, and when the pack is empty, I’ll quit.
I have gone from smoking twelve to fifteen cigarettes a day to four. And I’ll tell you something: I feel great. I’m also exercising and eating better, I’ve lost two pounds so far, and the anxiety that I thought would explode when I cut back on smoking hasn’t come.
Cutting down on smoking is helping my mental health. I sleep better, I feel happier, and I am keeping the promise I made to myself so long ago. I honestly want to live, I want to watch my grandchildren grow up, and I want to visit the Louvre. I want to celebrate more anniversaries with my husband. I want to thrive and love and go on adventures.
I was watching “The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest” last night, and I suddenly remembered the actor who plays Mikael Blomkvist, Michael Nyqvist, died of lung cancer when he was fifty-six. I’m fifty-six. I don’t want to die that young.
For me, smoking was a slow form of suicide. I don’t want to feel like that anymore. My suicidal ideation is almost nonexistent, and my lifestyle needs to reflect this. So, by the end of September, I will be a non-smoker. And I’m so excited.
