Seven Things You May Not Know About Me

Possibly eight, math is not my strong suit.

Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

Yay, a list of silly things!

1. I was stung by a jellyfish when I lived in Florida, and a lifeguard peed on my leg. Then he asked for my phone number because I guess once you’ve peed on a woman’s leg, the next step is obviously dinner.
2. When I was a store manager for Radio Shack, I had an all-female staff, and we won store of the month twice. Who says women don’t know anything about selling parts, batteries, and accessories that have a markup of fifty to sixty percent?
3. Many, many years ago, Vince Neil vomited on my shoes. No, I didn’t save them.
4. I once threw Keanu Reeves and his giant entourage out of a hotel lobby.
5. One of my ancestors was involved in a plot to murder the Archbishop of Canterbury, and I am related to the Younger brothers. This might explain some things…
6. I am a predatory gardener. If a lilac tree (bush?) has any flowers hanging over a sidewalk or fence, those are MINE and I will snip them with my special lilac scissors. I inherited this from my mother, who would sneak out late at night, tiptoe into the alley that ran behind all the houses on our street, and fill up paper grocery bags with lilacs.
7. Whenever we get a package in the mail, my husband and I say, at the same time, “What’s in the booooox?”.
8. I’ve had a weird, sometimes traumatic, often hilarious life, filled with tears, laughter, pain, and utter joy. And I wouldn’t change a thing. Well, maybe Vince Neil puking on my shoes. I really loved those pink Converse high tops.

Inspired by Maryssa Anne Krieger, whose own “About Me” piece made me laugh out loud.